meeting birthparents

[peppermint]

Ever since I was a kid, I knew that Dad had adopted me, though Mom was my  biological mother.  I never had any hard feelings, Dad's a great guy, and apparently, he was willing to deal with the law just  to be my dad- kinda made me feel special, really. This all happened before I was three, so  I didn't know any difference

 For some reason, I'd never  thought of my birthfather as a bad person.  I'd met his mother a few times as a kid, though I didn't know what the connection was back then, and but she was a very sweet lady, maybe that has something to do with it. I'd sorta  heard a few things about my the guy over the years, knew he was  married, had kids, and every time I thought about making contact, I wondered if I should upset that apple cart.  

 It's all a moot point now, as he contacted mom the other day. Wants to meet me. For lunch. Tomorrow.

  Sounds like a nice enough guy on the  phone- laughs when he's nervous, like I do. There'll probably be a lot of that tomorrow

Someone tell me something to calm my nerves please?
         

[skdadl]

Och, peppermint. Remember that we love you, that many people love you, and that will always be true, no matter what happens.  :

I can't imagine how you're feeling -- that is a momentous situation you're in, and I've never been there. But there are two positive signs at least that you've told us about. He wants to meet you -- your dad came looking for you. And he sounds nice on the phone. The guy is trying. Points for him.

I wish you such a good lunch tomorrow, peppermint. Let us know how it goes.  :

[BCseawalker]

I can imagine how you're feeling, Peppermint. Was separated from my brother when he was 3 and I was 4. We met for the first time 30 years later. (Never did meet my father.)

My best advice is to go with no expectations and an open mind, and to remember your father is just as nervous as you are.

Something I remember from my visit with my brother is looking at his hands as they rested on his lap - and thinking in awe that this was my true blood kin. Prior to that, there'd only been my mother. I couldn't get over it and felt so much less alone. I wanted to touch Ricky's hands so badly, but in the end was too afraid to take the chance. I suggest if you're tempted to touch your father, his face, his hands, then do it. It may open a flood, but that's OK.

[Toedancer]

:  :

[Alison]

Excellent advice, Seawalker

[peppermint]

Thanks for the moral support!  I figure at worst, I'll have a couple of people to add to my Christmas card list this year, and I know my grandmother is still alive, which is a very good thing. Anything beyond that will be a pleasant surprise.

[sparqui]

Good luck peppermint. Sounds like you're handling it very well. I too like BCs' insight. Definitely an overwhelming experience but not necessarily an unpleasant one.

[peppermint]

Well, I survived, and it went better than I could've thought.  Apparently  he didn't want to upset any apple carts in my life either, and  it wasn't til he ran into my mother at a high school reunion on the weekend that things got cleared up.

  When I met him at the restaurant, he recognised me right away, and went for a hug, then stopped for a sec to ask if that was okay with me- and it was.  No tears, very little awkwardness, but lots of questions on both sides. Both he and his wife seem very warm and friendly people. They've invited me out to their cottage while they're in Newfoundland and that if I ever want to visit them at home,  they'd be happy to see me there too.

  According to he and his wife, I have a whole big extended family in Alberta who'd welcome me with open arms, though they're not sure how their youngest daughter will react to the news.  I sort of got the impression she's in that surly teen phase, and might be at a loss as to what to say to me.  I'm half thinking of writing her a quick note, to tell her I'm at just as much of a loss,  but that " hi" seems like a good place to start, but I'm not sure that's a good idea. . .

 I'll  probably travel up there, if only to make up for lost time with my grandmother, as she's 86, and who knows how much time I'll have left.  Her husband passed away  before I knew he was any relation of mine, and I figure grandparents are too rare to be so casual about now.

 Thanks for the moral support, and advice.  I think it's going to be mostly okay from here.

[fern hill]

What a lovely story, peppermint. I'm glad for you.

[skdadl]

:  :

[BCseawalker]

That's fantastic, Peppermint. Wow, a whole new world is opening up for you.

[deBeauxOs]

Yeah.  If you focus on getting to know your grandmother better, then that may give the rest of your newly-discovered biological family time to get used to the idea of your existence.

What a lovely discovery.

[sparqui]

I'm so glad it went well and you have this opportunity to rekindle your relationship with your grand mother. That certainly is a nice way to ease into your new family dynamics. Best of luck peppermint.