Author Topic: Gettin' Busy  (Read 6318 times)

vmichel

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Gettin' Busy
« on: June 09, 2006, 01:36:45 PM »
Ready for a big question?

Say you're married and know you want to have children. How do you decide when it's time to get started?

I know everyone has different answers and different experiences, and I'd love to hear your all's collective wisdom on this.

brebis noire

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« Reply #1 on: June 09, 2006, 01:47:31 PM »
My short answer is that you basically have to turn off the rational part of your brain and let your hormones decide ;-)

But you should only do that AFTER you have calculated the desired time of the year or season during which you would theoretically like to be pregnant and then have a baby.

chcmd

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« Reply #2 on: June 09, 2006, 01:48:27 PM »
I'm afraid I did things a little backwards :oops:

Child first, husband later - so no advice from me
Feel the fear and do it anyway

Debra

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« Reply #3 on: June 09, 2006, 01:55:54 PM »
Quote from: chcmd
I'm afraid I did things a little backwards :oops:

Child first, husband later - so no advice from me


hee two children first husband later, maybe we should form a support group.  :D

Two cents anyway;

There is no easy answer, if you think about it too rationally there really is never a good time.

If you've decided to take the plunge then just go for it.
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

vmichel

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« Reply #4 on: June 09, 2006, 02:09:02 PM »
Oh, I didn't mean to imply that the husband had to come first. But it totally sounded that way! I'm sorry. I just meant to give the information that it wasn't a solo decision!

brebis noire

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« Reply #5 on: June 09, 2006, 02:17:57 PM »
Husband or not, the decision re timing is mostly yours. At least, that's how I frame it, and my SO has always respected that. I think the guy should have some veto power, however minimal.  :)

Debra

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« Reply #6 on: June 09, 2006, 02:31:41 PM »
What I and I believe chcmd meant was we had kids before we had husbands.

Yes partners wishes must be involved too. Ultimate decsion yours of course.

One thing I would suggest because I've seen so many relationships break up over it is talk about childcare and I mean everything,

    views on breastfeeding
    who stays home if anyone
    whether you let baby cry it out
    bedtimes
    when they get a bike
    birthdays
    how children dress
    age to discuss sex
    toilet training


Just a few suggestions and some might sound weird but I'm constantly surprised at what couples will find to fight about and once the baby is here you don't want to be spending your time hashing these things out.
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

Timebandit

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« Reply #7 on: June 09, 2006, 03:39:19 PM »
The blond guy and I discovered I was pregnant with Ms B 6 weeks into our relationship.  We had discussed nothing.  We were still just getting to know one another.  Fortunately, we are remarkably on the same page and it all worked out.   :D

So I don't know about planning.  I knew I wanted at least one kid by the time I was 35.  Beyond that, there wasn't much of a plan until we decided we wanted a second baby.  Ms T was very planned and on schedule.
Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it. -Rene Descartes, philosopher and mathematician (1596-1650)

Scout

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« Reply #8 on: June 09, 2006, 04:50:55 PM »
Well our 2 year anniversary is creeping up and boy do people really wanna know when I am going to get knocked up. And most of our friends are done, or having their second and only a few are just getting started. So it's a bit of a hot topic.

But we work to a 5 year plan. We moved into our condo 6 months ago after waiting 3 years and are now able to pay off half our debt load. In another year we will be reasonably debt free. That's when we'll start trying. Next fall. I will be 34. No one has made a comment about my age but plenty of friends ask us why wait? What's a year after all! Uh, gee I am going to South Africa and don't want to be pregnant for that trip? I am kinda job hunting and hey, I like my 5 year plan!

The hardest part has been deciding to stay in our condo. The Boyscout really wanted to by a house or townhouse and just flip the condo while the market is so good in King West. But I love our place. I worked hard to get and I will never have 2 such spectacular bathrooms again so I want to make it cozy and stay for awhile. I also don't think it will be a big issue to stay there till the child is 2ish. My biggest concern is that we have 4 cats and a dog. It could be a bit much with a baby.

How soon before you start trying do you need to start taking prenatal vitamins?

fern hill

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« Reply #9 on: June 09, 2006, 04:53:30 PM »
Scout is pre-pregnant, Scout is pre-pregnant.   :P

Timebandit

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« Reply #10 on: June 09, 2006, 04:59:28 PM »
I dropped caffeine, for the most part (well, started weaning myself off it, anyway) and taking prenatal vitamins about 2 months beforehand.  Although I was drinking 10 cups of coffee a day and not taking vitamins at all when I got pregnant with Ms B, and she turned out fabulous.  

I made the blond guy stop coffee for 6 weeks before trying, too.  Healthy swimmers are important!   :wink:  :lol:
Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it. -Rene Descartes, philosopher and mathematician (1596-1650)

vickyinottawa

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« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2006, 07:54:53 AM »
Don't plan too much, that's my advice.  It took me 3 years to get pregnant - something I never anticipated.  It was quite the saga; some of you are familiar with it.   Lo and behold, it happened when we decided we'd better stop trying since I didn't want to be 9 months pregnant and campaigning for city council.  Now I'm due a month before the election!  If you think you want to try at some point, go off the pill early, start taking folic acid and then forgetaboutit.

fern hill

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« Reply #12 on: June 10, 2006, 08:10:55 AM »
This is my fave story about the value of education. I knew a woman (she had an arts MA) married to a university prof (science of some kind). They'd been married for quite a while and she'd been on the pill. She read that women who had been on the pill as long as she had could take up to five years to get pregnant. She had just changed jobs. She went off the pill and got a book about temperature taking and what-not. Hub was thrilled, set up charts and graphs and schedules.

Well, of course. They hit the jack-pot the first month. Her new boss was mightily pissed.

brebis noire

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« Reply #13 on: June 10, 2006, 09:48:54 AM »
Contrary to vicky, I say: planplanplan.  :wink: But try not to take it too hard if plans don't work out as planned.

But then, I have regular cycles and it turned out to be easy. You never know from one time to another - especially not the first time.

For my first baby, I had a window of opportunity during my studies, I wanted to be able to finish my session and then take a year off - which turned out to be the exact opposite of what I had imagined as 'time off'.  I discovered that stuff like sleeping at night, taking a shower and brushing my teeth were looxuries.

I realize I was lucky to have been able to hit that window within a few days. And the second time, I was in a truly awful job situation, and the only way I felt I could exit somewhat gracefully was to get pregnant.

Timebandit

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« Reply #14 on: June 10, 2006, 08:44:13 PM »
Yah, I'm a Fertile Myrtle.  We joked when we were thinking about having the second that we should try for an Aquarian, since the blond guy and I are both early February birthdays.  Bingo!

I got pregnant way too easily with Ms B, too.  Wasna supposed to happen.  So very glad she did. :D
Whenever anyone has offended me, I try to raise my soul so high that the offense cannot reach it. -Rene Descartes, philosopher and mathematician (1596-1650)

 

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