Author Topic: Balls  (Read 24088 times)

Toedancer

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Balls
« on: October 15, 2006, 11:22:05 AM »
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What is it with men and there balls? Why do must men feel the need to itch, grab or talk about their balls in public?  You never see a woman on a bus spread her legs and start scratching her labia or a woman grabbing her labia while cheering for her favorite team/bachelorette during the playoff season/last episode of the Bachelor. But men do, it’s almost like a maternal urge or something as they grab their balls as often as an expectant mother touches her swollen belly. It’s like men want to remind the everybody in the world to know that they own a pair of balls—even when they’re about to lose one half of their balls they feel the need to announce it to the world—remember Lance Armstrong? He made little yellow bracelets to remind us of his ball loss. Balls aren’t even attractive; they always remind me of something gross the show Fear Factor would make the contestants eat.

 Every time I witness a man grabbing his balls a bunch of questions to fill my head. Is he checking to make sure it’s still there? Is he experiencing shrinkage? Does he think he’s going to lose track of it? Is he desperately trying to hold in a liter of urine? As I got older and learned about sexually transmitted infections (STI’s) these thoughts later progressed to thinking that they were suffering from gonorrhea or pubic lice. I remember one guy scratching his balls as he danced at a club and thinking, “Aw, poor sucker, someone gave him crabs. I hope he doesn’t come over here.”

 It’s not just grabbing their balls either, men also have an emotional attachment to their balls it’s where they believe their masculinity lies there nestled in the comfort of the sperms that surround it. It’s like their balls are the very essence of their being. Often you’ll hear men refer to their balls when talking about bravery or courage, like “Wow, bungee jumping off that cliff took some real balls.” On the contrary, females (with the exception of myself), often don’t relate their ovaries to bravery “Natalie had some real ovaries for having a natural childbirth.” So what is it with men and their balls? As a female I have to know this!


Picked up at Progblog, Wendy's thoughts.

http://spocgirl.braveblog.com/

 :rotfl:

Did anyone here Have To Know This? I did and I engaged every long term lover I ever had to talk about his balls until the cows came home. But that was when I was younger. Now of course I know more about balls than I ever wanted to. All of it totally useless information.  Wendy's thoughts were my thoughts at one time. Gawd we're strange beings.
"Democracy is not the law of the majority, it's the protection of the minority." -Albert Camus 1913-1960

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Balls
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2006, 11:40:25 AM »
I don't like the expression "that took balls."

I don't grab them in public.

But I have moved 'em around cause they weren't where i thought they should be.

gunnar gunnarson

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Balls
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2006, 10:10:13 PM »

sparqui

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« Reply #3 on: October 16, 2006, 02:58:45 AM »
Cojones!!!

(Not to be confused with cajones which mean dresser drawers...)
If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a tractor. -- Gilles Duceppe

skdadl

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« Reply #4 on: October 16, 2006, 05:49:19 AM »
Poached eggs! (That's what they remind me of.)

anne cameron

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« Reply #5 on: October 16, 2006, 11:30:31 AM »
I truly object to the idea it takes balls to be brave.  And I've ranted on the subject, especially if some dweeb says "she's a ballsy lady" or "she's got balls, that one.".  

I've been told I take too many things too seriously. (?)  Told I should relax a bit. (??)  Told, too, I should save my ire for something important. (???!!!) but the entire spectrum of balls related sayings starts with the presupposition that women are incapable.  Incapable of bravery, incapable of efficiency, just damwell incapable of anything laudable.

I think, at times, (not all the time) of women choosing to face pregnancy and childbirth, of women who choose to raise kids on their own with no help from the deadbeat dad (they could always throw the kids into the foster system, right?)  Women who choose to enter traditionally male professions and trades...the list could go on and on and on and those women are brave but don't have balls, never will have balls, and their courage will be unremarked except by others like themselves who know full well how much raw basic courage it took to go ahead with their choice.

I'm a dyke so it goes almost without saying there isn't much about male physical structure which I find attractive or even very interesting.  I can admire a trim, well muscled and healthy male body, I think teen-aged males approaching adulthood are usually gorgeous but I admire them somewhat objectively, as I might admire a well built horse or a dog which is in excellent conditon and moving athletically.  But that's usually only with some clothing.  I haven't seen a naked adolescent male in probably thirty years and am in no rush to correct that.

I always did find the naked male body just a touch...comical...

My ex-husband is Metis and his first nations grandmother taught him and his brothers how to "suck them up" and carry them inside when playing hockey.  He, of course, wore the usual protective cup with his hockey gear but he said he had the added protection of keeping them inside.  His grandma told them that the Iroquois warriors kept them inside any time there was any fighting.  I don't know if that's true or one of the "in the olden days" stories.

He did not teach our sons the trick.  He said he had been told it could reduce fertility.  We had three kids so it isn't very much like birth control technique!

Here's to all the women who have demonstrated courage without ever having balls.  Good on you, sisters!

gunnar gunnarson

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« Reply #6 on: October 16, 2006, 11:35:20 AM »
Quote from: anne cameron
My ex-husband is Metis and his first nations grandmother taught him and his brothers how to "suck them up ... "


Where did she learn how to do it, never mind show other folks?  Jaysus.  And here I thought the only way was to go swimming in the spring ...  :twisted:

brebis noire

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« Reply #7 on: October 16, 2006, 11:58:44 AM »
I've always considered that women had balls, except that they keep them inside. No need to walk around with them hanging out, what's the point of that?

One of the goofiest tasks I had to do as a vet was measure scrotal circumference on bulls. (Hardest part was avoiding having my head kicked in.) I guess there was some logic in it (bigger balls = more sperm) but I always felt it was just another exercise in existential pointlessness.

lagatta

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« Reply #8 on: October 16, 2006, 12:13:57 PM »
Well, brebis, you castrating b*, you no doubt have far more experience with male and female ballsies than the non-vets around here. ;)

Balls lead to the related topic of penises: this Aussie article on penis size and the absurdities of the penis enlargement trade is one of the best I've seen: http://www.theage.com.au/news/national/ ... 45329.html
" Eure \'Ordnung\' ist auf Sand gebaut. Die Revolution wird sich morgen schon \'rasselnd wieder in die Höhe richten\' und zu eurem Schrecken mit Posaunenklang verkünden: \'Ich war, ich bin, ich werde sein!\' "
Rosa Luxemburg

brebis noire

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« Reply #9 on: October 16, 2006, 12:18:43 PM »
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Well, brebis, you castrating b*, you no doubt have far more experience with male and female ballsies than the non-vets around here. ;)


heh, yeah. I've removed more balls than you've had hot dinners.

Well, no. But there are many ways to do it, and they are all surprisingly easy.  :twisted:

skdadl

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« Reply #10 on: October 16, 2006, 12:34:11 PM »
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brebis, you castrating b*,


 :rotfl:

anne cameron

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« Reply #11 on: October 16, 2006, 02:26:20 PM »
We used an "elastrator" on the bull calves. It seemed to pinch and be uncomfortable for only a couple of seconds and then they seemed to be just fine again, frisky as ever.  It was a process I never enjoyed but if you don't the little buggers are randy by the time they're two or three months old and that can lead to some severe discipline from their dad, who is as apt as not to greet their silly attempts at mounting cows with a head butt that can severely injure the little guys.  So we used the elastrator.  We'd been told steers were "more thrifty" and would gain weight and size quicker than a joey bull but I found no evidence of that at all.  Some farmers, who were set up differently than we were, just cut off the bull calves from any contact with heifers or cows and it seems to me they profited at about the same rate as our steers did.  We had one horrendous go-round when a heifer calf managed to force her way through a fence and get to the bull.  He was actually her dad.  That didn't seem to bother him and we wound up with a too-young cow having to have a Caesarean.  In the barn.  Now THAT was something!  Our vet is such a tiny woman that we joked she could probably crawl in head first and push the calf out from inside...I was very worried the cow would get infection, I mean we did what we could to clean the floor of the barn but a barn is, after all, a barn...the antibiotics gave the calf scours, and that was a frikken nightmare but both cow and calf survived, recovered, and did very well.

The big problem I had with the procedure was that by the time mom and daughter were ready to head out into the fields I was so attached to both of them I was silly.  I'd rather have taken them in the house to watch TV with us than turn them loose in the pasture.  We kept the too-young mom away from the bull for a full year, she had her next calf the usual way with no problem.

And I used the elastrator on him.

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« Reply #12 on: October 16, 2006, 02:54:43 PM »
i need to get Anne's post off TAT and some unpleasant imagery out of my brain ...

fern hill

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« Reply #13 on: October 16, 2006, 03:40:26 PM »
One of my personal Top Ten Things I Really Really Don't Want to See is balls squished into view at the top of tight, short shorts. Oooh, they're shiny and painful-looking and remind me of strange sea creatures. Thank gawd the fashion is for baggy shorts nowadays.

Balls in the their normal habitat are fine with me, though.

skdadl

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« Reply #14 on: October 16, 2006, 03:50:24 PM »
Men are cute, aren't they?

Can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em ...   :D

 

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