Author Topic: Jokes the first  (Read 183331 times)

Boom Boom

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Jokes the first
« Reply #30 on: June 28, 2006, 09:45:31 AM »
Quote from: skdadl
How many dogs does it take to change a light bulb?


This is great! (I assume the joke doesn't work with cats....) :lol:

skdadl

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Jokes the first
« Reply #31 on: June 28, 2006, 09:50:09 AM »
The message I got that list from said that cats do not change light bulbs; they're waiting for you to do that, serve dinner, and deliver the massage. And there is a photo of a cat tapping his fingers impatiently.  

Cats do not have masters; they have staff.  :)

Boom Boom

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« Reply #32 on: June 28, 2006, 09:53:52 AM »
Harrumph. Such arrogance. If I had one, I'd be tempted to let the cat clean out his own litter box (and hide my shoes in the clothes closet!)  :lol:

skdadl

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« Reply #33 on: June 28, 2006, 09:55:06 AM »
If you left him to clean his own litter box, he'd pee in those shoes in the closet.

Boom Boom

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« Reply #34 on: June 28, 2006, 10:31:14 AM »
...which is why I hid them in the closet with the doors closed! :lol:

brebis noire

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« Reply #35 on: June 28, 2006, 10:47:29 AM »
Of course you realize you will never be able to actually use that closet properly ever again.  :shock:

Boom Boom

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« Reply #36 on: June 28, 2006, 11:30:23 AM »
Well, I much prefer dogs, so it won't happen. I'm looking after a young German Shepherd in about five weeks, for two months. Very sociable, has wayyyy too much energy. Hope I'll be able to keep up with him on our daily walks. :shock:


ps: I used to have a Beagle - great companion, but I've never met a more stubborn creature in my entire life!

Caissa

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« Reply #37 on: July 05, 2006, 09:45:40 AM »
(Jewish Mother lightbulb joke)

Question: How many Jewish Mothers does it take to change a lightbulb?
Answer "Don't worry, I'll sit in the dark."

skdadl

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« Reply #38 on: July 05, 2006, 10:06:12 AM »
That lighbulb ... it never writes; it never calls ...   :wink:

Caissa

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« Reply #39 on: July 05, 2006, 12:30:37 PM »
Three Irish Roman Catholics men are digging a ditch a cross from a brothel when the first one notices a rabbi going into the brothel.

"Ach, it's no wonder the morals of the nation are deteriorating when a man of the cloth is frequenting a house of ill- repute."

The other two mumble their affirmation.

A half hour an Anglican minister goes into the brothel.

"Ach, if the violence on the telly is not enough to be corrupting the youth of today we have the ministers setting the example of frequenting a whorehouse."

The other two men mumle affirmations again.

An hour later a Roman Catholic priest goes into the brothel.

 The first man says " Did you see that? Oh, no!!"

The second man says "See what?"

First man: " Oh, no!! A Father just went into the brothel! One of the poor dearies must be dying!"

Caissa

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« Reply #40 on: July 06, 2006, 07:37:53 AM »
Two men walked into a bar. You would have thought the first one would have seen it.

skdadl

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« Reply #41 on: July 06, 2006, 07:43:46 AM »
A guy goes into a bar with a giraffe. They both get a couple of rounds in. When they get up to leave, they're extremely drunk and the giraffe passes out and falls over. The man opens the door, about to leave by himself, when the bartender stops him suddenly and says, "Hey! You can't leave that lyin' there!" The man turns around and slurs, "Don't be silly, that's not a lion, that's a giraffe!"

Caissa

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« Reply #42 on: July 06, 2006, 08:05:58 AM »
A piece of string walks into a bar.
The bartender asks "Are you a piece of string?"

Yep!

 The bartender says "We don't serve pieces of string here."

Later that afternoon in walks another piece of string. The bartender asks "Are you a piece of string?"

"Yep!"

"We don't serve string here."

Later that evening an old bedraggled hempen twine walks into the bar.

The bartender asks " Are you a piece of string?"

"Nope, I'm a frayed knot!"

skdadl

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« Reply #43 on: July 06, 2006, 08:12:55 AM »
A guy walks into a bar with a dog. The bartender says, "Hey buddy, can't you read that sign? It says no dogs allowed! Get that mutt out of here!" The man replies, "No, I can't read the sign - I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender is embarrassed and gives the man a beer on the house. Later that day, the guy is telling his friend about it: "I told him I was blind and I got a free beer!" The friend then takes his dog into the bar and sits down, and the bartender says, "The sign says no dogs allowed! You'll have to leave!" The friend says, "Sorry, I can't see the sign because I'm blind, and this is my seeing eye dog." The bartender replies, "Since when do they give out Chihuahuas as seeing eye dogs?" The man says, "They gave me a Chihuahua?"

Caissa

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« Reply #44 on: July 06, 2006, 11:57:40 AM »
A well-known punster stopped at a monastery for lunch. After an excellent meal of fish and chips, he asked if he could visit the kitchen to compliment the cooks. He was duly escorted two the kitchen where he met two brothers. The punster said to the first " You must be the Fish Friar"

"Nope, I'm the Chip Monk"

 

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