Author Topic: Glurge I have known  (Read 31857 times)

'lance

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Glurge I have known
« on: December 10, 2006, 11:24:39 AM »
Well, it's writing of a kind.

Quote
What is glurge? Think of it as chicken soup with several cups of sugar mixed in: It's supposed to be a method of delivering a remedy for what ails you by adding sweetening to make the cure more appealing, but the result is more often a sickly-sweet concoction that induces hyperglycemic fits.

In ordinary language, glurge is the sending of inspirational (often supposedly "true") tales that conceal much darker meanings than the uplifting moral lessons they purport to offer, and that undermine their messages by fabricating and distorting historical fact in the guise of offering a "true story."

Many of us, it seems, cannot overcome the urge to glurge.

I always delete such stuff when forwarded it, but maybe I shouldn't be so fastidious because there is something interesting about it (albeit in a sickening way). Anyway, if you have examples, why not post 'em here, trade with your friends, etc. Here's one to start.

Quote
Her hair was up in a pony tail,
her favorite dress tied with a bow.
Today was Daddy's Day at school,
and she couldn't wait to go.

But her mommy tried to tell her,
that she probably should stay home.
Why the kids might not understand,
if she went to school alone.

But she was not afraid;
she knew just what to say.
What to tell her classmates
of why he wasn't there today.

But still her mother worried,
for her to face this day alone.
And that was why once again,
she tried to keep her daughter home.

But the little girl went to school,
eager to tell them all.
About a dad she never sees,
a dad who never calls....


etc. and so forth -- you'll see where this is headed as soon as you click on the link.

sparqui

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2006, 01:04:11 PM »
I very much like this repository for some of the 'writings' I receive via e-mail. Thanks 'lance  :)
If my grandmother had wheels, she'd be a tractor. -- Gilles Duceppe

'lance

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2006, 03:22:24 PM »
"Repository" is a good word, in this context. Some others might be "dump," "sump, "catchbasin," "holding pen," "quarantine tent"....

deBeauxOs

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2007, 01:06:30 PM »
Is 'glurge' several cuts below doggerel?  How about this, then:
Quote
God didn't make little green apples
And it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime.
There's no such thing as Dr. Zeuss, Disneyland, and Mother Goose no nurs'ry rhyme.
God didn't make little green apples
And it don't rain in Indianapolis when the winter comes.
There's no such thing as make-believe, puppy dogs, and autumn leaves and B.B. guns.
Sometimes I call her up at home knowing she's busy
And ask if she could get away and meet me, and grab a bite to eat.
And she drops what she's doin' and hurries down to meet me, and
I'm always late.
But she sits, waiting patiently and smiles when she first sees me
Cause she's made that way and if that's not lovin' me
Then all I've got to say.
 If that's not 'glurge', then ....

'lance

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2007, 01:21:56 PM »
Definitely working the same side of the street, though I wonder if true glurge would include lines like "there's no such thing as Dr. Seuss, Disneyland, and Mother Goose..."

Authors of glurge not only believe in all those things (together with unicorns and messengers-from-God, "Touched By An Angel"-fashion), but want everyone else to believe in them, too. Until it hurts.

Here's a piece of glurge the Snopeses link to on their "hottest 25 legends" page:

Quote
This poem was written by a terminally ill young girl in a New York hospital. It was sent by a medical doctor. Make sure to read what is in the closing statement AFTER THE POEM.

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round,
or listened to rain slapping the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight
or gazed at the sun fading into the night?

You better slow down, don't dance so fast,
time is short, the music won't last.


And much, more more in the same vein.

Debra

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #5 on: January 03, 2007, 01:27:11 PM »
Touched by an Angel

More evidence of abuse in the church.
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

deBeauxOs

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #6 on: January 03, 2007, 01:28:59 PM »
Quote from: 'lance
... though I wonder if true glurge would include lines like "there's no such thing as Dr. Seuss, Disneyland, and Mother Goose..."
Devious glurginess would, since it associates Its Glurgy  Premise of Glurge Love with the immutability of venerable cultural icons.

faith

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writing
« Reply #7 on: January 03, 2007, 01:32:56 PM »
I usually just delete this stuff but when your relatives send it to you it can slip by the usual crap detectors. What is really annoying is when there is a vaguely threatening message attached to the end of these "uplifting" stories  telling you to pass on the message to whatever number of people or bad things will happen to you.
I usually return the email and tell people that I do not pass on threatening messages, particularly to friends and relatives.
just picture it

skdadl

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #8 on: January 03, 2007, 01:43:31 PM »
A well-meaning if misguided cousin sends me glurge just about every night -- it's usually the first thing I see in my inbox every morning. You don't want to read most of it, but I'll pass on the occasional classic when one pops up.

When I was little, we would occasionally be given a particular kind of glurge to read -- Gothic glurge, you might call it, or grotesque glurge -- stories meant to instil piety through horror rather than sweetness. The little kids in those stories also died, but they were, y'know, guilty of something. They would die affectingly at the end, and you were supposed to weep for them, but you were also supposed to know that it was their fault.

O' course, we were tough in those days.

'lance

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #9 on: January 03, 2007, 01:50:12 PM »
Quote from: deBeauxOs
Quote from: 'lance
... though I wonder if true glurge would include lines like "there's no such thing as Dr. Seuss, Disneyland, and Mother Goose..."
Devious glurginess would, since it associates Its Glurgy  Premise of Glurge Love with the immutability of venerable cultural icons.

A good point, yes.

Quote from: Debra
Touched by an Angel

More evidence of abuse in the church.

In one episode of The Simpsons, the line Bart is writing on the board in the opening credits is "I Was Not Touched There By An Angel."

Quote from: skdadl
A well-meaning if misguided cousin sends me glurge just about every night -- it's usually the first thing I see in my inbox every morning. You don't want to read most of it, but I'll pass on the occasional classic when one pops up.


Please do, and if the Snopeses haven't picked up on it yet, we might send it on for their collection.

fern hill

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #10 on: January 03, 2007, 01:53:06 PM »
Pollyanna. I don't know who gave it to me, but it infuriated me. I should find a link for thems as don't know it.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pollyanna

skdadl

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #11 on: January 03, 2007, 02:01:55 PM »
We could write our own glurge, of course.  :)

jrootham

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #12 on: January 03, 2007, 02:23:27 PM »
Quote from: deBeauxOs
Is 'glurge' several cuts below doggerel?  How about this, then:
Quote
God didn't make little green apples
And it don't rain in Indianapolis in the summertime.
T
Then all I've got to say.
 If that's not 'glurge', then ....


I wouldn't call that glurge.  There's no moral.  It's just a very sappy love song.

'lance

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #13 on: January 03, 2007, 02:42:58 PM »
At the risk of a visit from the Drift Police...

A few months before he was elected PM, in 1984, I went to a speech by Brian Mulroney. It was pretty terrible -- I say that even though I remember almost nothing of it now, but then within days or anyway weeks of the speech I remembered almost nothing of it, so that should give you some idea.

Anyway, I was struggling to following along and pay attention -- instead of marvelling at the gormlessness of the Young Progressive Conservatives who made up most of the rest of the audience -- until he said "... and as sure as God made little green apples..."

At that point, I gave up altogether

lagatta

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Glurge I have known
« Reply #14 on: January 03, 2007, 03:07:16 PM »
Here is some truly vomit-worthy patriotic (but animal-loving) :cat  :dog_wagging: glurge, from the comments pages of the "Daily Kitten". Note that the writer is a "Bouvier", a herding dog, not Jackie's kin... :roll:


2006-09-11 08:22:28
On the fifth anniversary of this very tragic day, I’m going to re-post this (bittersweet and heartfelt) story. Prepare to have a cry over this….

*WELCOME AT RAINBOW BRIDGE*
by Alexander Theodore, Bouvier, Fourth Year Resident

On the morning of September 11, 2001, there was an unprecedented amount of activity at the Rainbow Bridge. Decisions had to be made. They had to be made quickly. And, they were.

An issue, not often addressed here, is the fact that many residents really have no loved ones for whom to wait. Think of the pups who lived and died in hideous puppy mills. No one on earth loved or protected them. What about the many who spent unhappy lives tied in backyards? And all the dogs and cats who were abused. Who are they to wait for?

We don’t talk about that much up here. We share our loved ones as they arrive, happy to do so. But we all know there is nothing like having your very own person who thinks you are the most special pup or kitty in the Heavens.

That Tuesday morning a request rang out for pups and kitties not waiting for specific persons to volunteer for special assignment. An eager, curious crowd surged excitedly forward, each one wondering what the assignment would be.

They were told by a solemn voice that unexpectedly, all at once, over 3,000 loving people had left Earth long before they were ready. All the pups and kitties, as all pups and kitties do, felt the humans’ pain deep in their own hearts. Without hearing more, there was a clamoring among them - “May I have one to comfort?” “I’ll take two, I have a big heart.” “I have been saving kisses forever.”

One after another, they came forward begging for assignment. One cozy-looking fluffy kitty hesitantly asked, “Are there any children coming? I would be very comforting for a child ’cause I’m soft and squishy and I always wanted to be hugged.” A group of Dalmatians came forward asking to meet the Firemen and be their friends. The larger working breeds offered to greet the Police Officers and make them feel at home. Little dogs and kitties volunteered to do what they do best, cuddle and kiss.

Dogs and cats who on Earth had never been given a kind word or a pat on the head, stepped forward and said, “I will love any human who needs love.”

Then all the dogs and cats, wherever on Earth they originally came from, rushed to the Rainbow Bridge and stood waiting, overflowing with love to share — each tail wagging a little American Flag. :yuk
" Eure \'Ordnung\' ist auf Sand gebaut. Die Revolution wird sich morgen schon \'rasselnd wieder in die Höhe richten\' und zu eurem Schrecken mit Posaunenklang verkünden: \'Ich war, ich bin, ich werde sein!\' "
Rosa Luxemburg

 

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