Author Topic: Geek Humour  (Read 2839 times)

Debra

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Geek Humour
« on: August 27, 2008, 02:48:35 PM »
This is supposed to be a real call and the operator involved was supposedly fired.

I don't know if it's real but I wouldn't be surprised.


Operator:         'Ridge Hall, computer assistance; may I help you?'
Caller:              'Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.'
Operator:         'What sort of trouble??'
Caller:             'Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words
                       Went away.'
Operator:         'Went away?'
Caller:              'They disappeared'
Operator:         'Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?'
Caller:              'Nothing.'
Operator:         'Nothing??'
Caller:              'It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.'
Operator:         'Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?'
Caller:              'How do I tell?'
Operator:         'Can you see the 'C: prompt' on the S creen?'
Caller:              'What's a sea-prompt?'
Operator:         'Never mind, can you move your cursor around the screen?'
Caller:              'There isn't any cursor; I told you, it won't accept anything I
                       Type.'
Operator:         'Does your monitor have a power indicator??'
Caller:              'What's a monitor?'
Operator:         'It's the thing with the screen on it that looks like a TV.
                        Does it have a little light that tells you when it's on?'
Caller:               'I don't know.'
Operator:          'Well, then look on the back of the monitor and find where
                        The power cord goes into it. Can you see that??'
Caller:              'Yes, I think so.'
Operator:         'Great. Follow the cord to the plug, and tell me if it's
                       plugged into the wall.
Caller:              'Yes, it is.'
Operator:         'When you were behind the monitor, did you notice that
                        there were two cables plugged into the back of it, not just
                        one? '
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Well, there are. I need you to look back there again and
                        find the other cable.'
Caller:               'Okay, here it is.'
Operator:          'Follow it for me, and tell me if it's plugged securely into
                        the back of your computer.'
Caller:               'I can't reach.'
Operator:          'OK. Well, can you see if it is?'
Caller:               'No.'
Operator:          'Even if you maybe put your knee on something and lean
                        way over?'
Caller:               'Well, it's not because I don't have the right angle -- it's
                        because it's dark.'
Operator:          'Dark?'
Caller:               'Yes - the office light is off, and the only light I have is
                        coming in from the window.'
Operator:           'Well, turn on the office light then.'
Caller:               'I can't.'
Operator:          'No? Why not?'
Caller:               'Because there's a power failure.'
Operator:           'A power ... A power failure? Aha. Okay, we've got it  
                        licked now. Do you still have the boxes and manuals and  
                        packing stuff that your computer came in?'
Caller:                'Well, yes, I keep them in the closet.'
Operator:           'Good. Go get them, and unplug your system and pack it  
                        up just like it was when you got it. Then take it back to
                         the store you bought it from.'
Caller:                'Really? Is it that bad?'
Operator:           'Yes, I'm afraid it is.'
Caller:                'Well, all right then, I suppose. What do I tell them?'
Operator:           'Tell them you're too stupid to own a computer!'
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

fern hill

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #1 on: August 27, 2008, 04:33:12 PM »
:rotfl:

Betcha millions of tech people around the world would love to say that.

'lance

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #2 on: August 27, 2008, 05:52:00 PM »
The story's partly true, but unfortunately not the "too stupid to own a computer" part.

A tech person once told me that story -- claiming he'd been the tech person concerned, and that he'd ended up saying "you're too stupid...", etc.

I'd read the story online several times by that point (ca. 2001). That day, I wasn't in the mood, and told the guy to his face he was lying. (M, who worked with this guy and had previously told me she found him creepy, didn't know where to put her face). He just sputtered. The conversation ended soon after.

pogge

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #3 on: August 27, 2008, 07:05:21 PM »
My favorite helpdesk story has always been the one about the customer who called because his floppy disk drive was making a horrible noise and couldn't seem to read the diskettes. It turned out he'd acquired some software on the older 5-1/4" floppy diskettes but only had a 3-1/2" drive. So he took a pair of scissors to the diskettes.

Debra

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #4 on: August 27, 2008, 09:39:33 PM »
:rotfl:
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

Gigi

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #5 on: August 27, 2008, 10:57:57 PM »
There used to be a whole list of these things, including the guy who called to let them know he had broken the "cup holder" (CD drive) and the idiot who was using the mouse as a foot pedal.

skdadl

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #6 on: August 28, 2008, 06:43:50 AM »
:lol:

'lance

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #7 on: August 28, 2008, 09:28:00 AM »
I like the Haiku error messages:

Quote
A file that big?
It might be very useful.
But now it is gone.

Quote
Chaos reigns within.
Reflect, repent, and reboot.
Order shall return.

Quote
Yesterday it worked.
Today it is not working
Windows is like that.

And so on, endlessly through autumn leaves... ahem, excuse me. Getting misty about the end of summer, don't you know. Serum caffeine concentration still below nominal.

Debra

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #8 on: August 28, 2008, 09:34:47 AM »
HA those are great!

Ya I have the autumnal blues also.
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

Gigi

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #9 on: August 28, 2008, 09:38:37 AM »
Found it. (Man, how much is even applicable now?)

From a Wall Street Journal article by Jim Carlton --

{1.} Compaq is considering changing the command "Press Any Key" to "Press
Return Key" because of the flood of calls asking where the "Any" key is.

{2.} AST technical support had a caller complaining that her mouse was hard
to control with the dust cover on. The cover turned out to be the plastic
bag the mouse was packaged in.

{3.} Another Compaq technician received a call from a man complaining that
the system wouldn't read word processing files from his old diskettes.
After trouble-shooting for magnets and heat failed to diagnose the problem,
it was found that the customer labeled the diskettes then rolled them into
the typewriter to type the labels.

{4.} Another AST customer was asked to send a copy of her defective
diskettes. A few days later a letter arrived from the customer along with
Xeroxed copies of the floppies.

{5.} A Dell technician advised his customer to put his troubled floppy back
in the drive and close the door. The customer asked the tech to hold on,
and was heard putting the phone down, getting up and crossing the room to
close the door to his room.

{6.} Another Dell customer called to say he couldn't get his computer to
fax anything. After 40 minutes of trouble-shooting, the technician
discovered the man was trying to fax a piece of paper by holding it in
front of the monitor screen and hitting the "send" key.

{7.} Another Dell customer needed help setting up a new program, so a Dell
tech suggested he go to the local Egghead. "Yeah, I got me a couple of
friends", the customer replied. When told Egghead was a software store, the
man said, "Oh, I thought you meant for me to find a couple of geeks."

{8.} Yet another Dell customer called to complain that his keyboard no
longer worked. He had cleaned it by filling up his tub with soap and water
and soaking the keyboard for a day, then removing all the keys and washing
them individually.

{9.} A Dell technician received a call from a customer who was enraged
because his computer had told him he was "bad and an invalid". The tech
explained that the computer's "bad command" and "invalid" responses
shouldn't be taken personally.

{10.} An exasperated caller to Dell Computer Tech Support couldn't get her
new Dell Computer to turn on. After ensuring the computer was plugged in,
the technician asked her what happened when she pushed the power button.
Her response, "I pushed and pushed on this foot pedal and nothing happens."
The "foot pedal" turned out to be the computer's mouse.

{11.} Another customer called Compaq tech support to say her brand-new
computer wouldn't work. She said she unpacked the unit, plugged it in, and
sat there for 20 minutes waiting for something to happen. When asked what
happened when she pressed the power switch, she asked, "What power switch?"

{12.} True story from a Novell NetWire SysOp:

Caller: "Hello, is this Tech Support?"
Tech: "Yes, it is. How may I help you?"
Caller: "The cup holder on my PC is broken and I am within my warranty
period.   How do I go about getting that fixed?"
Tech: "I'm sorry, but did you say a cup holder?"
Caller: "Yes, it's attached to the front of my computer."
Tech: "Please excuse me if I seem a bit stumped. It's because I am. Did you
receive this as part of a promotion, at a trade show? How did you get this
cup holder? Does it have any trademark on it?"
Caller: "It came with my computer, I don't know anything about a
promotional. It just has '4X' on it."

At this point the Tech Rep had to mute the caller, because he couldn't
stand it. The caller had been using the load drawer.

'lance

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #10 on: August 28, 2008, 09:53:05 AM »
Man, those take me back. Not just floppy disks, but typewriters

Quote from: Debra
Ya I have the autumnal blues also.

But at least now I get to wear my $9 Sally Ann Harris-tweed jacket, which looks kinda like



only closer to blue (call it grey-blue).

I think this goes very well with a geek thread, don't you?

Debra

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #11 on: August 28, 2008, 10:05:34 AM »
poi-fect
“Damaged people are dangerous. They know they can survive.” —  Josephine Hart

'lance

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #12 on: August 28, 2008, 10:10:03 AM »
... and how's that for (heh, heh) thread drift?

Sorry. Really.

lagatta

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #13 on: August 28, 2008, 10:15:09 AM »
Oh that is lovely. If you wear it at your desk enough, you'll wear out the elbows and need to sew on leather elbow patches!

skdadl will fill you in on Harris Tweed.
" Eure \'Ordnung\' ist auf Sand gebaut. Die Revolution wird sich morgen schon \'rasselnd wieder in die Höhe richten\' und zu eurem Schrecken mit Posaunenklang verkünden: \'Ich war, ich bin, ich werde sein!\' "
Rosa Luxemburg

'lance

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Re: Geek Humour
« Reply #14 on: August 28, 2008, 10:18:01 AM »
Honestly, it's a bit warm to wear when I'm actually at my desk. But even if I did, I find it hard to imagine it showing signs of wear. It's so heavy I wonder if it was woven specifically to repel Sassenach arrows. It's certainly nigh-ancient. The tag actually reads "Made In England."

 

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