Author Topic: Lonely  (Read 3539 times)

BlueGrey

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Lonely
« on: August 30, 2008, 09:40:26 AM »
I've been incarcerated since June 29.  It's been two months of hell.  They are unable to assess my mental health (I don't share what's going on in my head) so they assess my behaviour.  If I do anything unladylike, like swearing or raising my voice, they put me into a seclusion cell.  For a creature as sociable as myself, isolation is tantamount to torture.  They already know that as soon as I'm released I will stop taking the medication.  Yet they continue to hold me here indefinitely.  It's a power struggle and I'm unarmed.  I often weep in frustration.  I've lost my entire summer.  Plus I'm taking a bed from somebody who may genuinely want voluntary mental health treatment.  Plus it costs the taxpayers $800 a day to incarcerate me.  And I'm not ill.  I'm a rude bitch, to be sure, but that's not a mental illness.

skdadl

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Re: Lonely
« Reply #1 on: August 30, 2008, 09:58:21 AM »
Hi, BlueGrey. You know that I empathize a lot, and I'll talk to you for a bit, but you also know that Debra wants you to consider the feelings of other people here. By that I mean, I guess, we'd like you to keep the multiple posts down.

I know that our psych health providers are stuck in the wrong century, and I'm afraid of them too, BG. All I can do from here is squeeze your hand and offer a hug.  :hug:

BlueGrey

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Re: Lonely
« Reply #2 on: September 07, 2008, 07:13:26 PM »
Quote from: skdadl
Hi, BlueGrey. You know that I empathize a lot, and I'll talk to you for a bit, but you also know that Debra wants you to consider the feelings of other people here. By that I mean, I guess, we'd like you to keep the multiple posts down.

I know that our psych health providers are stuck in the wrong century, and I'm afraid of them too, BG. All I can do from here is squeeze your hand and offer a hug.  :hug:

Hi, skdadl.  I'll be the soul of discretion and not abuse your very tolerant, accepting board.  I was released a couple of days ago and the freedom tastes wonderful.  But it's all so arbitrary.  Just a few days before I was released, I was in lockdown.  Then all of a sudden I'm exhibiting "mental health," whatever the hell that means.  I had a bad bout in the late 1980s and, somehow, got truly well and managed to avoid psychiatry altogether for over a decade.  I'm trying to think about what was different at that stage of my life (gainfully employed, engaging hobbies, single) and see if any of it can be recreated.  I'd definitely be up for another decade of peace.  Hug received and returned.

Croghan27

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Re: Lonely
« Reply #3 on: January 06, 2011, 03:29:56 PM »
Lonely is a good thread for this musing .....
 
Democracy Now is currently doing a piece on Phil Ochs and a film about him called (After one of his big ones) There But For Fortune. I have long been a fan of his - only confirmed when Peter Gzowski did a eulogy for him on This Country in the Morning. (The CBC does not seem to have it available - I was living in Halifax, unemployed, it brought me to tears.)
 
When I first moved to Ottawa I stayed with a friend. Jim, one time went to an Ochs' appearance in a local bar. There was a major blizzard on that day and he an Ochs were alone in the club - so they sat together and drank all night.
 
Oh Lord that I could have sat in on that meeting ... they were so similar: both had serious alcohol problems and both troubling personality quirks - they tended to put off those that loved them. Ochs famously was thrown out of a limo by Bob Dylan and Jim alienated all too many: Ochs the musician and poet; Jim, a poet, who could construct an entire conversation with quotes from Russian writers, Shakespeare and Peter De Vrais. Sometimes the only way you knew he was quoting was when you noticed his speach had a rhythm.
 
Cancer took Jim a few years ago, after I had known him for half a century -  .... I still get lonely when I realize he is not around. The finest mind it has been my privilege to befriend.
 
"It is also a good rule not to put overmuch confidence in the observational results that are put forward until they are confirmed by theory." -- Arthur Stanley Eddington

skdadl

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Re: Lonely
« Reply #4 on: January 06, 2011, 03:59:03 PM »
I didn't know your friend, Croggy, but I sure remember Ochs, and how sad the end was.

Here is a classic performance -- I think that was done in the sixties, in Berlin (because he still looks so good, and see how the women are dressed). I noticed that DN! was doing a segment on him; will go back to their archives once I figure out what to do about flippy speaker.

Croghan27

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Re: Lonely
« Reply #5 on: January 07, 2011, 09:52:31 AM »
I didn't know your friend, Croggy, but I sure remember Ochs, and how sad the end was.

Here is a classic performance -- I think that was done in the sixties, in Berlin (because he still looks so good, and see how the women are dressed). I noticed that DN! was doing a segment on him; will go back to their archives once I figure out what to do about flippy speaker.

Gzowski had interviewed Ochs some months before - the naive Ochs had gone to Nigeria to give a concert and had went for a walk afterward in possibly the most dangerous city in the world. He was rolled and his throat slit.
 
The upshot was he did live, but his vocal cords were destroyed and he could not sing/perform again. He tried and tried again, to no avail.
 
Gzowski's spin (and bless him for it) was that performing was such a part of his life that without it he felt empty - and ended it all.
 
"It is also a good rule not to put overmuch confidence in the observational results that are put forward until they are confirmed by theory." -- Arthur Stanley Eddington

 

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