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Messages - BlueGrey

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1
Cause we're all in this together / Re: Lonely
« on: September 07, 2008, 07:13:26 PM »
Quote from: skdadl
Hi, BlueGrey. You know that I empathize a lot, and I'll talk to you for a bit, but you also know that Debra wants you to consider the feelings of other people here. By that I mean, I guess, we'd like you to keep the multiple posts down.

I know that our psych health providers are stuck in the wrong century, and I'm afraid of them too, BG. All I can do from here is squeeze your hand and offer a hug.  :hug:

Hi, skdadl.  I'll be the soul of discretion and not abuse your very tolerant, accepting board.  I was released a couple of days ago and the freedom tastes wonderful.  But it's all so arbitrary.  Just a few days before I was released, I was in lockdown.  Then all of a sudden I'm exhibiting "mental health," whatever the hell that means.  I had a bad bout in the late 1980s and, somehow, got truly well and managed to avoid psychiatry altogether for over a decade.  I'm trying to think about what was different at that stage of my life (gainfully employed, engaging hobbies, single) and see if any of it can be recreated.  I'd definitely be up for another decade of peace.  Hug received and returned.

2
Cause we're all in this together / Lonely
« on: August 30, 2008, 09:40:26 AM »
I've been incarcerated since June 29.  It's been two months of hell.  They are unable to assess my mental health (I don't share what's going on in my head) so they assess my behaviour.  If I do anything unladylike, like swearing or raising my voice, they put me into a seclusion cell.  For a creature as sociable as myself, isolation is tantamount to torture.  They already know that as soon as I'm released I will stop taking the medication.  Yet they continue to hold me here indefinitely.  It's a power struggle and I'm unarmed.  I often weep in frustration.  I've lost my entire summer.  Plus I'm taking a bed from somebody who may genuinely want voluntary mental health treatment.  Plus it costs the taxpayers $800 a day to incarcerate me.  And I'm not ill.  I'm a rude bitch, to be sure, but that's not a mental illness.

3
Cause we're all in this together / Re: Grudges
« on: August 30, 2008, 09:31:43 AM »
I try not to hold onto a grudge, as satisfying as they can be, though.  Really, it's the grudge that becomes the issue not the action giving rise to the grudge.  And carrying a grudge around just makes the gunny sack on your back heavier.  Nothing wrong with a short-term grudge, though, just don't put it in the gunny sack.  You want nothing in your gunny sack.  It just slows you down.

4
Disability Issues / Re: Federal govt. creates mental health commission
« on: August 16, 2008, 05:34:11 PM »
Quote from: Toedancer
Chin Up, Don't Give Up.

Okay, Toedancer.  Sure gets tiring sometimes, though, doesn't it?

Quote from: Toedancer
And it violates the Charter, but no one has 6 years or $1M to get to SCC.

Our only hope is to get the BC Civil Liberties Association or some such group interested enough to get on board.  Seems to me the BCCLA is much like the UCLA protecting David Duke's freedom of speech and not giving a shit about mental patients' freedom of thought.  I swear that in my lifetime we will see the Provincial Mental Health Acts overhauled if not repealed.  Starson v. Swayze was an SCC decision that was decided in favour of the mental patient, Dr. Starson.

5
Disability Issues / Re: Federal govt. creates mental health commission
« on: August 14, 2008, 10:34:28 PM »
Quote from: arborman
Those provinces that require a person to be destitute before they become eligible for disability benefits ultimately create a total dependence, and make people very vulnerable.

Many years ago, a ratbag Social Credit (the old Socreds are now "Liberals") social assistance minister by the name of Grace McCarthy actually publicly stated that those in need should run up their credit cards to the max BEFORE applying for public assistance.  I could never hear "Amazing Grace" again without barfing.

And, back to Toedancer's point about unpaid care, money is an extraordinarily shitty indicator of the value of a transaction.  There are entire communities that would fall apart without the mutual support and volunteer work that women do.  Here, on the psych ward, most therapeutic interactions are between female patients.  My parents were not paid to raise me but they did the best they could.  I'm glad I wasn't sent to boarding school.  I had good parents but nobody paid them a dime for their trouble.  Capitalism continues to look uglier and uglier.

6
Disability Issues / Re: Federal govt. creates mental health commission
« on: August 14, 2008, 10:28:19 PM »
Toedancer, I agree with you in principle here but I fear that one of your groups in need of identification might be the "mentally ill."  Identification breeds stigma and we have suffered enough.  We have our own legislation, in fact.  Legislation which violates our Charter.

Why can't we just leave it as "people in need"?  Combine all the ministries into one big one called "the Dole."  If you need it, you take it.  If you don't need it, you contribute to it anyway.  No more senators' commissions.  No more 16 page application forms.  No more women staying in abusive marriages because they can't afford to leave.  

It's been proven scientifically that it's cheaper to house the homeless and feed the hungry than let them suffer.  The homeless cost society a lot in terms of police and emergency services.  They also reflect very poorly on our society.  If you can't walk by a storefront at night without seeing one of "all the lonely people," then something has seriously broken down in the social order.  

These issues just must be addressed.  And I'm afraid to death that Premier Gordon Campbell will "solve" the problem by declaring the homeless mentally ill and having them reinstitutionalized just in time to tidy up the streets for the 2010 Olympic in Vancouvers.  I am not alone in this fear.

7
Disability Issues / Re: Federal govt. creates mental health commission
« on: August 14, 2008, 10:21:44 PM »
Quote from: Toedancer
Obviously when CPP is based solely on paid work, it is mostly women who lose out. The way pension is set up now implies  'work' as a caregiver has no monetary value, it is anti-equality and anti-women. And yet caregivers are 'saving' money to the health care system AND social programmes.

So true.  I receive a federal disability pension and it is calculated solely on my input credits.  My situation and actual disability are utterly irrelevant. Luckily, I worked full-time all my adult life (until I became unable to).

 But if I want a reasonable living, I have to apply for BC's Persons With Disabilities pension.  This top-up is calculated by my own assets and the assets and income of my husband.  You are allowed no more than $3,000 in assets.  What if I were fleeing an abusive spouse?  Should I still have to declare his income and assets?  

The whole system is nuts.  I could easily work part-time (when I'm released from hospital).  Shouldn't I just do that, then, and not worry about getting kicked off financial relief?  What if I try to return to work but fail and need social assistance again?  Who's going to help me with the forms?  I have 15 years experience as a legal assistant and I was absolutely flummoxed by the federal application.  My sister had to help me fill it out.  I imagine many people would look at a 16 PAGE application form and just run in terror.  

Who are we trying to help here?  People in need?  Or paper-pushing bureaucrats?

8
Health / Re:
« on: July 21, 2008, 02:40:14 PM »
Quote from: vmichel
That'll scare you off your meds...

Indeed.  SSRIs can have weird and wacky effects on otherwise normal (but depressed) people.  SSRIs made me manic, which from my point of view was an improvement over depression, however, it was horribly destructive to my marriage and other family relationships.  

It also got me labelled "bipolar" rather than "SSRI-sensitive."  The new DSM might include this as Bipolar III but, then again, it might not.  We'll just have to wait and see if the psychiatric establishment is ready to talk about iatrogenic (caused by treatment) illness.  Taking psych meds (and I say this as someone who sometimes desperately needs them) is a bit like fixing your computer by banging your hard drive against your desk.  Sometimes works, sometimes doesn't, who the hell knows?  A little humility (from the experts) would be in order.

9
Given me domain over my own body.  Women were persecuted and went to jail so that I didn't have to be unhappily pregnant at 17.  Bless you and thank you, sisters.

10
Senator Kirby failed to even address the issue of involuntary treatment because it was "too controversial."  Yes it is controversial.  It's an ethical and legal nightmare.  The power of this province's Mental Health Act strikes fear into my heart.  Whenever I'm voluntary, quiet and asking for help, I'm turned down.  But if I'm left to escalate (through lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of social contact), I'll end up psychotic and, oh, boy, then do I get the treatment!  Four-point restraints, isolation cells, antipsychotic injections in the ass.  Bears a striking similarity to torture.  I have no time for Kirby and his half-assed commission.  Big waste of tax dollars that could have been spent on enhanced voluntary services.

11
Quote from: lagatta
BlueGray, nobody here was mocking you.

Was actually referring to my abusive husband.  I've never been mocked on this board.

Quote
But I think you were really in crisis and this type of general discussion board is probably not an adequate resource.

You're right on both counts.

Quote
i dunno, are there any self-help groups you could address?

Not that I know of, although www.furiousseasons.com is a very supportive place for the, er, neurodivergent.

Quote
I do hope you are feeling better.

I sure am.  And thanks for your kind words.  I'm in hospital now and should be released this week on extended leave.  Thanks for not permanently banning me (even though I requested that).

12
Checking in.  Doing okay.  Not well but okay.  My afternoon plan is as follows:

lunch
nap
shower
doggie walking
nice dinner
be in bed by 8:00

I tried to wake up from a bad dream and it was all true.  Why did you ban Webkinz?  I merely invented her to approach skdadl.  (Don't take anything too seriously.  I am quite aware that BG&W are one person.  Because I'm autistic or bipolar or schizoaffective something which we'll call my delicate condition).

Lunch is ready.  Husband needs to see me eat.  I may have to have a beer. If so, my limit is 2.  I'm going to practice moderation..

13
Quote from: peppermint
BG, hang in there, we all have slip ups from time to time.  Smooth what ruffled feathers you can, collect your slightly dented dignity and try to just move on from there, knowing that it can't always be your turn to  make a mistake.

What does this mean?

I don't understand.

14
Thank you, peppermint.

I am terrified that people think I committed suicide.

I want to say, in my defence, that I was driven beyond endurance.

I'm done some pretty shitty things in my time but I can honestly say that I have, ever mocked and ridiculed someone for having a medical condition which wrestle with each and every day of their lives

cause you know what

shit happens

you've got brain cancer you've got breast cancer you're an alcoholic you're bipolar

when you look into the abyss it looks into you nietszchesp[elling issues

15
Cause we're all in this together / Re: Debra is a bitch
« on: June 27, 2008, 10:28:34 AM »
Quote from: pogge
Who's Debra?

Don't know but I HEARD she's a truculent bitch.  Morning to you, pogge.

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